Couple months ago I met a woman who works at a dispensary I visit about once a week. We hit it off really well. Despite trying to just keep it casual sex, and that only, I ended up developing some feelings for her. She confessed the same to me. I even introduced her to my teenaged daughter, for fucks sake.

I ran into her this evening at a gas station, with another guy, who turns out to be her husband. They’ve been married five years, and have two children together, ages 4 and 2. Finding out they have kids just made me feel disgusting.

So, I told him. He didnt believe me until I described a tattoo in a somewhat intimate place on her body. I had no fucking clue she was married. I think I ruined someone’s marriage. Or at least took part in ruining one.

I feel guilty. I am sorry for what I participated in. Am I a bad person?

  • PauliExcluded [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    81·
    21 hours ago

    Hot take, but there is no justification for cheating. You should just end the relationship or discuss the possibility of having an open relationship instead.

    • imogen_underscore [it/its, she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      173·
      21 hours ago

      no justification? what about circumstances of abuse? cishet relationships are an uneven power dynamic. plenty of women out there with varying degrees of asshole husbands who they feel coerced into staying with for economic reasons or because of fear. that is how the dynamic manifests in many cases. you come across ignorant and thoughtless acting like ending a relationship is always such a simple act. this is Christian morality nonsense, non-dialectical thinking and basically doing a generalised form of victim blaming tbh. “just leave him” smh. expect a more thought out response from a woman.

      • PauliExcluded [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        10·
        19 hours ago

        No, it’s not Christian morality. This is the basics of ethical non-monogamy. Every person involved is aware and consents.

        If you fear your partner will be violent towards you, you need to leave. Period. Cheating will not make the problem better. People who are violent will not accept being cheated on without violence. Your number one priority should be getting yourself to a safe place away from the abuser.

        And no, I’m not ignorant about this. My parents got a divorced because of an affair. I’ve had multiple partners cheat on me before. I’ve been in an ethical non-monogamous relationship before. I’ve been in a monogamous relationship where I gave my consent that my partner could have sex with someone else. If you withhold information from someone that might make them not consent, they cannot provide informed consent. Cheating is not justified.