Hey, so I have ADHD, and so does my husband, neither of us are medicated. We both cope well outside the house, but inside, our home is a freakin mess. I have so many systems but still, cleaning, maintaining, and cooking are just too much for us to stay on top of. I’m a lot better with systems, and prioritization, so managing the house falls to me but we both give each other a lot of grace. My number one tip is taking responsibility. It is painful for me when he says he’s going to take care of something and then he doesn’t. I would so much rather him recognize : " hey, I know i said i would take the trash out, but I’m realizing it’s a task I’m failing at week after week. Could we trade? I will scour the bathroom if you can take the cans to the curb?" Or “could you help me come up with a system?”

What almost killed our marriage was him saying, “why are you freaking out about this, it’s just the trash?” And then the next week saying, “I’ll get to it in the morning, I promise, I’m just too tired to do it tonight.” It killed my ability to trust him or his word, and really eroded our marriage. It’s like he was in denial about his ADHD, and didn’t realize that by having this optimistic and unrealistic views of his abilities, he was letting me down twice - once with neglecting to help, and second by denying my experience, and lying about what he was going to do. He felt like he still deserved the benefit of the doubt and kindness and grace, but after the 5th time not completing a task, I felt like that behavior and expectation was him forcing our relationship into parent/ child rather than equal partnership.

I’m not suggesting having a child if you’re not ready!!! But I will say fatherhood is where my ADHD mate shines. He still doesn’t clean, his hair is on the sink after shaving everytime, but he’s an amazing father. The house is a mess, but the toddler is well fed (he makes creative dinners), well exercised (he has way more energy than me) and he has amazing creative problem solving to encourage her to go along with his directions. I believe this is where his ADHD super powers come through. Also now that we’re on a more strict schedule for the toddler, he weirdly doesn’t miss taking the trash out.

Again, not suggesting adding a child, I’m just saying maybe you’re not going to get better at the things you’re having trouble with, but maybe you’ll find other stuff that you are good at that makes your partner’s life easier making it feel more like a partnership. Also, we’ve done a lot of couples therapy. We went from the brink of divorce, me feeling like he wasn’t pulling his weight at all, and him feeling like I’m way too critical and mean to feeling like a solid team expecting a second kid (on purpose).

Good luck, man. ADHD fuckin sucks.

Micro dosing THC, like if a dose is 10 (mg?) I eat 2.5. Not enough to feel the effects at all, weed usually makes me so stupid and totally unproductive, but weirdly, a small amount focuses me. I’m like just zoned enough to not over think anything, but totally present enough to complete everything i need to do, well.

Beyond that, no breaks, no eating, just coffee. I can get a ton done, the bit of hunger also focuses me. In this mode, I just let the productivity flow, and don’t try to necessarily stay on exact task. If half way through organizing all the toys in the house I remember to write a thank you note, I just get the supplies out, push a clear space in the toys and bang it out. Trying to ignore the impulses and stay perfectly on task just burns me out. Anyway, I get right back to the toys, and the letter is addressed with a stamp, so I end up with a bunch of tasks done.

I absolutely crash at the end of the day, feel sick from not eating with the caffeine, and my body hurts from zero breaks. But if I eat or sit at all I’m done for the day.

I also do this but apparently this can be a contributing factor to developing diabetes if you’re already at risk.

Short sleep and long sleep don’t appear to damage the body the same way. Fewer than 6 hours was linked to cardiovascular disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, kidney disease, and psychiatric conditions, including depression and anxiety. More than 8 hours showed a stronger genetic connection to brain-related conditions like major depressive disorder, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia, and may often signal that something is already going wrong rather than acting as a direct cause.

Here’s the number that puts everything else in perspective. Short sleepers had a 50% higher hazard of death during the study’s follow-up period. Long sleepers had a 40% higher hazard. People sleeping 6 to 8 hours outlived both groups by a significant margin.

Article says this window can vary by sex but then doesn’t address it at all. I’m guessing based on other studies that women need more sleep on average?

Because moving out suddenly screws your roommate and the wife signed a contract.

Except he was always vaguely hinting that by end the war he meant give Isreal everything they wanted therefore “ending” the war. Same with Russia and Ukraine.

Yeah I mean you pay money and take a little course to become a notary and you have to reup every year (or three years? I can’t remember). The point is you take on legal liability. A notary cannot claim, “i didn’t realize, I didn’t know, I didn’t double check.” Most of the money you pay is in liability insurance in case you screw up. Because if a notary stamps their name to something false, they bear the legal liability which is enough for a notary to not take the risk of flippantly stamping things that are untrue.

You can also legally marry people.

There are also legal limits to how much you can charge (like 10 bucks and document or something. It’s not much). Since each stamp doesn’t earn much, but the liability could cost you a lot, it keeps notaries pretty honest. It’s a decent system.

Mostly only nerds are notaries anyway, so the promising and putting your name to something does some of the heavy lifting by itself

Idk i always hated being bored. I just always always had a book with me. If I was near the end of a book, I had to carry two so there would be no gaps. I don’t think my books were superior to carrying a screen. I still have a book in my purse anytime I go anywhere. I absolutely loathe sitting still doing nothing. Maybe it’s the depression. Idk.

Well… simpler for you. Unless the store is low on ones, I never understood why this feels like a favor. It’s nicer for you to walk away with just a five rather than two ones back when you already have an extra 2 ones in your wallet you don’t want. A cashier doesn’t care what denominations they have.

Either way, embarrassing when people can’t do basic addition (though I remember the first time this happened to me as a teenager, and it wasn’t the addition that tripped me up, it was the concept. The customer was so impatient because it was so “obvious” they wanted fewer bills back, but I was just afraid I was missing something they were trying to buy. I’m guessing as cash becomes rarer, more people just are unfamiliar with this tactic.)

I just don’t have it in me to regularly participate in a book club. Short form practice when I can fit it in sounds so nice. I love reading and I read a book or two (sometimes 5) a month, but they’re always low effort fiction so I’m not really practicing any skills. My reading is far too interrupted (by life, toddler, chores, pregnancy) for me to read anything that requires critical thought. It’s hard enough to follow a plot when I’m getting only 2 pages (or less) at a time, sprinkled through out the day. I hope in a few years when my kid’s can finally read to themselves I can manage to get back to actually thoughtful reading.

Then why does he do that smug smile when he’s being annoying?

Plus $40 for parking! That’s not included!

Costco really only makes sense with a family or group. Buying in bulk isn’t necessarily better for a single person, especially given that any impulse buys are more expensive at Costco

I mean no offense, but some Dr’s are wild. It’s not just babies who are faking pain, but also women and POC. My husband was given the same pain meds/schedule for a cut on his thumb that I was for childbirth with a second degree tear. He was given even better pain meds the time we went in for a “mystery pain” in his chest that they could find no evidence of.

But most of us can. More of us can than do.

I can’t imagine how this is true. Must be no drink, no apps, no dessert, and mindful choices on entrees. Because just an entree at a regular ( not fancy) place in my town is 24-32 bucks and that’s not for the nicest dish. A drink is 8 to 25 bucks depending on whether it’s a cocktail. Yeah, your spouse is fine with a quick meal with no add ons, but for a date, where the point is to kill time together, relax and get to know each other, lingering over a dessert and having a drink or two to loosen up is kind of the point.

Obviously you can agree that your first date should be going out to get coffee to see if you click, but that’s still going to be 50 bucks after two to four drinks and a couple of scones.

I think of trashy as the opposite end of the spectrum from classy.

Respecting others privacy and being gracious when someone is embarrassed? Classy. Arguing in front of others or loudly reprimanding someone in public? Trashy.

Dressed appropriately for the venue and audience? Classy. Booty shorts and flip flops in an office space? Trashy.

Being on time and considerate in your manner of arrival? Classy Being late and disruptive? Trashy.

You don’t have to be rich to be classy, just considerate. In the same way, people of means can be trashy if they’re inconsiderate of others.

I think to me, the ultimate trashy move is to pee in public.

My relationship is honest, loving, and supportive. I’m in my 30s with 1.5 kids so the support mostly flows towards me right now, but my mom and I both are caregivers for her mom who is in very poor health. It’s half straining for our relationship, half In the trenches together. In most areas she’s my role model. She was born to be a mother. It doesn’t come as naturally to me but I aspire to be as present, patient, and involved as she was.

Why do the resources for wives not work for you? Can’t you just take the advice and switch the genders? My spouse and I are similar. A lot of the traditional gender roles are switched, so i just take the advice for the other gender and use it for our situation.

This is a big one people don’t acknowledge. I think a big part of it is that we have also moved away from church (not a bad thing!)

When people talk about religious people having more kids, it’s not just quiverfull explanations! It’s that church people accept being around kids at social events. We (non church people) lost all of our childless friends within about two years of having a kid. The lifestyles were just incompatible and they weren’t ready to transition to daytime barbecues at the park. My church going sister? Kids are welcome at almost all of her social events, and she even attends women’s groups that have free childcare.

Obviously you can build that kind of community outside of church, but it’s not easy without the existing culture and infrastructure.