I have been married for 24 years and it’s been a mostly happy marriage. I also do consider my wife to be my best friend. But it’s silly to think that you will come home every day and be happy about dealing with another human, no matter who they are. Sometimes I will come home or my wife will come home and I won’t want to be around her because I won’t want to be around anyone. That’s just how life is. My wife is cool with it and I’m cool with when she wants the same.
Alone time is an important resource, especially when kids.
Absolutely.
The best part is you don’t even have to be married to have this
My [second] wife is the coolest person ever and my best friend. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else. She came into my life when I wasn’t even looking.
My first wife was a horrible person who convinced me that I was better off being single. I was perfectly content with that. It is much better to be alone than to be with someone who fills your life with misery.
If you’re reading the OP and feeling sad about your own circumstances, I totally get it because I’ve been there. Bad relationships or the breakdown of a relationship are really hard. You can get through it. Remember to take care of yourself. Prioritize spending time on things that bring you joy. Find someone to talk to, even if it’s just some random guy on the Internet. And know that it absolutely can get better.
After being a few months away from being married and seeing it all fall apart I’ve realized that I don’t ever want to be married.
Doesn’t mean I don’t want a long term relationship but I don’t want to tie the knot and tangle up my life like that ever again. If we had gotten married then divorced my ex would have ruined me. I was too soft at that time and I would have let her use me as a doormat on the way out. I know better now but I still don’t want to deal with those complications.
To those who feel saddened by this, always remember that you can be your own best friend. Treat yourself.
I’m living that life and we’re not even married yet. 5 years since this June. Never been happier :)
My partner and I are on year 8? I think? Neither of us care about anniversaries or any of that stuff, so we lose track often.
We just fit. We rarely disagree, and when we disagree, we’re civil about it. There’s no yelling and screaming about who is right.
It’s genuinely co-op mode, and we pair up to get stuff done regularly, but when no co-op is required, we just keep living our lives, together.
So I put a ring on it. Planning to sign the papers next year to make it official.
Congratulations! It’s very much the same for us here. We do get into occasional arguments but it’s usually either very minute and unimportant things or it’s just a misunderstanding that get solved easily.
Our anniversary this year was also very low-key - I think we didn’t even gift each other anything (super noteworthy) . We used to go crazy in our first few years but we just appreciate and value our time together
Going on 11 years here. Though we sometimes disagree, but that is rare to the bliss we find in one another. And yes she is my best friend and lover.
Can’t wait for these comments to be depressing
They’re not wrong, but you’re not either. Nothing is perfect all the time and the OP statement really leaves a lot out. Been married for 20 years. Would do it all again. That’s what matters.
Enjoy it for me, friends. I’m just an NPC.
This post is going to make some people very sad and some people very happy and I guess I’m here for that. Life is alllll sorts of experiences, good and bad. Just gotta roll with it.
And some of us just, meh. Tried the co-op mode and found that the people I’m attracted to aren’t good for me. Now I’m just looking forward to retiring before I’m 50, and surfing. That and having tons of dogs that I foster and train to be good, and then adopt out. I’m not a good dog parent because I can’t see them as anything but needy toddlers. Therefore annoying. I can’t foster cats because I couldn’t adopt the cats out. The dogs are at least consistently needing the same repetition so that they become good dogs for some family out there.
At first I imagined actually getting into the fetal position and rolling on the ground, but then I realized that’s only my fetish… You were obviously talking about trains.
I’d rather just not tbh but I don’t want to leave a me shaped hole in people’s lives
I get that
Wife doesn’t love me, least not the way I love her. Just had the talk, this post is downright brutal right now.
I’m really sorry. I just had a friend go through the same thing and I was counseling him last night. I will say something similar to you that I did to him:
It all seems awful right now, but you will get past it. Remember that there are other people in your life who love you even if it’s platonic love. On top of that, I had a good friend who was good looking and friendly, someone people enjoyed being around. He was single for 15 years. He got married in his mid-40s to someone I can tell he will be very happy with.
There’s always time to find love, even if you’ve lost the love you’ve had before.
Now granted, I have been married for more than two decades, so feel free to tell me to fuck off with this advice.
Yeah, I’m just gonna give you a hug right now.
Yeah. Big hug.
People never stop changing. It’s the risk of making the commitment. You’re trying to join two winding creeks together with a piece of string. When things break up, it hurts, but it’s not failure, just change.
I’m pulling for you, we’re all in this together.
This is bog standard dumb stuff young people say. I’ve heard this same sentiment come out of idealistic kids for decades. How this is anything other than ignored is beyond me.
Awww poor you.
How to admit you’re in an unhappy marriage without saying you’re in an unhappy marriage, much?
I happen to think I lead something of a charmed existence with my wife and daughter lol. Took a lot of work and growth from both of us in our previous failed relationships. Our paths changed us into the people who would meet and marry well into our 30s. There was a lot of pain in that growth, both outgoing and taken. A lot of good to learn from too. We both started our relationship journey with shit like this meme in our heads. We both ended up where it looks like the cartoon princess simplicity it is.
Feel free to assume the worst about me though. Its fun
womp womp
*"Listen, happy endings is fine if they turn out happy,” said Granny, glaring at the sky. “But you can’t make ‘em for other people. Like the only way you could make a happy marriage is by cuttin’ their heads off as soon as they say ‘I do’, yes? You can’t make happiness…” Granny Weatherwax stared at the distant city.
shut up grandma. people are allowed to get to know each other before they’re married now. also they’re allowed to get a divorce so they don’t have to resort to slowly poisoning their spouse.
Wooosh
Do NOT talk to Granny Weatherwax like that.
Grew up assuming this would never happen so I never tried, and now I prolly won’t ever try
Are you the same person you were 5 years ago? 10? 20? Do you think you’ll be the same in the future? Will your partner also be? The correct answer is no. Marriage takes work to keep working as life takes you through its ups and downs and we evolve and grow as people. Best of luck to you all!
That about sums it up. 10/10 fucking love being married
