Both tech and horses here…uh oh. 😂 alas, to damned expensive for horses and did’t get back into tech after i moved to be withvmy husband., decided to randomly pick up horticulture as a career choice instead.

They are in a 20 gallon long right now. Going to be combining my 2 20 gallons into a 55 gal soon. Super excited.

I really like that large piece of wood. Nice scape too.

I really like Bucephalandra. They are kind of slow growing but super hardy and even put out little flowers. And it stays relatively small while still spreading, I started with it on a piece of driftwood and it filled that up and then continued to spread off the log and started rooting into the substrate.

Thanks, I said my good Byes Saturday while she was still conscious enough to respond, she passed Sunday evening at home in her sleep. I didn’t want to stress her by taking her to the vet and she didn’t seem to be in distress so I let her pass naturally. She had a good long life, trying to just think about that and not get caught up in sadness.

As for classes, I’m taking an intro to horticulture class and an intro to psychology class. This is a trial semester and i’m kind of testing the waters. I have a bad past record with college and am stressing over this but I must defeat my inner demons. Trial by fire I guess. I start next week and am already feeling a bit overwhelmed as I was just reading the class prep notes and am sitting here wondering what did I get myself into? I am just ignoring that particular inner voice right now. I can do this!

I kind of just have issues keeping my attention on either honestly, unless I suddenly get absorbed in the topic which does happen and then I marathon read/listening. I just do what I can when I can. At least listening i can just rewind when I fade off and I can do other stuff while listening where as reading I need to be low enough energy to sit long enough. I do enjoy the tactile feeling of reading a real book and flipping through the pages when I manage it. I apparently have 3 different books going right now and it’s taking me forever to read them.

As for how I’m doing this week? I don’t know, nervous about the classes I’m starting in a few weeks, trying to get back to where I was at before the holidays, some mistakes where made but I am forgiving myself and moving on from it. My cat is not doing well (she is very old) and I might have to say goodbye soon, I’m having emotions that I haven’t sorted about the entirety of last year and trying to figure out where to go from here with the new year. All in all though I am okay and just taking it one day at a time.

This is so very sad and hurts my heart. And seeing as we are being serious here I will add that I was very close to being part of this statistic about a year ago. For so many of us it was not caught when we where kids and it is no surprise to me to see these kinds of numbers. And those are just a couple statistics, we also have more accidents, more unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, more chance of substance abuse, more other health issues do to poor choices and not looking after our needs, reduced life expectancy from these choices, the list goes on. I think it was Russell Barkley that talks of this.

I try really hard to make earlier in the day appointments now because of this. Of course once the appointment or whatever it is is done I still don’t do anything else with the day because you know what? All that waiting was exhausting and now I’m spent.

Ooph, I feel this, I almost just got in an argument with my husband again about money spent…I’m going to go hide my credit card from myself now.

It’s like Christmas all year round! I see nothing wrong with this! 😃

Thanks for sharing this. I didn’t have a name for this feeling until I was diagnosed with ADHD and started learning more about it and all that comes along with it. Though I would not wish this on anyone else it is good to know sometimes that we are not the only ones going through these struggles.

Yep! Me too. 3 is the lucky number here! Though I do suspect living with undiagnosed ADHD my whole life led up to the other two. I’m just a bundle of fun over here.

My week has been okay. Work has been a bit chaotic running around trying to fix problems. At least it wasn’t me that caused them this time and I was able to get brownie points for helping deal with it. My whole schedule was turned upside down and had to work a full week but I could use the extra money so I guess that is a win. I also found my security badge I lost last week for one of my accounts, so that was a relief.

I guess I’m just happy to have come out of this work week seemingly in a good place and that is a reason to celebrate. I’ve managed to take some steps towards figuring out passport and school related stuff too so it’s been a good week mostly. We’ll aside from the initial panic of not being able to find my badge. Literally saw it this morning randomly hiding in a box on top my dresser wedged in a corner. Not sure how it got there. I blame magic house elves. Anyways, it worked out as I needed it today so yay.

I feel called out by this statement. At least something is getting done though.

I most definatly notice a worsening of symptoms during the luteal phase. As well over the past couple years I’d say my symptoms have gotten significantly worse overall due to incoming peri which actually ended up getting me diagnosed as I just couldn’t cope anymore. At least now I know why i have had the issues I’ve had over the years but now I’m super not excited about the hormonal roller coaster i am on. The Peri is still pretty mild so I just started back on birth control again to stabilize hormones so that’s helping but instill have my bad days. And though I am glad I have the meds now and they work well usually, the hormonal chaos does make them less effective which is frusterating on those days.

Happy to hear the meds are helping though the emotion affect does not sound cool. Hope I didn’t misunderstand. I feel you on the task overwhelm. The meds definitely helped me be more productive and to use the actual strategies I’ve been trying to learn to deal with it, but it’s slow going. They help but they are not a magic fix all. I have come to the acceptance that it’s going to take me a long time to get “caught up” if that’s even possible and am learning to be okay with that. Years of not dealing with stuff can’t just be completed overnight. Be kind to yourself and take it day by day, one step at a time. You got this.

It will be interesting to see how much/little has changed since I’ve been back. I grew up in a small town so definitely a different lifestyle to where I live now. I’m sorry to hear you haven’t been able to travel back to your birth country. My sister in law(who I haven’t met yet) is from Russia too. Hopefully some day you both will be able to go back and visit. I’m just thankful the only thing holding me back from visiting my home country is my own procrastination and avoidance of dealing with things. That and money.

I am hoping to travel back home(well my old home rather) to Canada to visit my family. Haven’t been back since I moved away 12 years ago. I have time to do the passport though, I am waiting for summer when its warmer.

Last week was pretty good, only worked 3 days because of Thanksgiving. Ended up having dinner with my inlaws and then going to my best friends later that day. All in all I can’t complain. It was nice having 4 days off, i managed to have a productive day of yard work yesterday, wanted to finish it today but that was not in the cards. not sure what my issue today is, spent most of the day in bed not feeling well, hopefully I feel better tomorrow as I have a full week at work next week.

I am also a bit frustersted at myself right now because I need to find a second reference for my passport application. I have not been great at keeping friends/acquaintances so I’m trying to figure that out so I can finally get my passport situated. Not really sure what to do so I’ve been avoiding it.

So yeah, my week wasn’t too bad, aside from me feeling under the weather today and the passport issues and also trying to figure out how I’m going to balance school and work come January. But I will get it sorted. At least I’m finally trying to get my crap together. It’s been one hell of a year but I am coming out the other side better off than when I went into it last january.

I just don’t even bother with the Christmas lights. Though i do feel rather called out on the melted pumpkin. I should probably throw that in the compost.