Tommasi [she/her]

I don’t often doomscroll through bigoted spaces any more, and when I do I think it’s mostly just funny to see their unhinged takes, but I stumbled on a transmed forum today and that shit genuinely made me sad. It’s infuriating that people who have 100% suffered from gender policing decides they’re now going to start gender policing others. I hadn’t really looked into transmed beliefs before and now I regret knowing these people exist.

But also, I can’t imagine these people are very happy. Like, they’re treating this idea of “opposite sex neurology” as if it’s an unquestionably true scientific fact and rely on it to feel valid (i saw someone asking if they could get a brainscan to prove they’re trans lol), while the actual scientific reality is that we don’t know what causes people to be trans. And why does it even matter? If you need to transition to live a fulfilled and happy life, isn’t that reason enough? Why is your internal sense of self not enough to make you valid.

Also wanted to claw my eyes out when people were posting “teens shouldn’t get gender affirming care” and “going through female puberty has ruined me forever” right next to each other.

Definitely relate to the feeling that romance and sex is so much more complicated than it would be if I was cis. Among friends I’m pretty open about being trans, so the fact that it would eventually have to come up doesn’t bother me so much, but I’ll probably always be too scared to use tinder or go with a random dude to his place after a night out.

Yeah, the good thing is that since they’re not online or watch english language news, they aren’t exposed to that much of the transphobic hysteria, so it could be pretty okay. I’m still a bit wary because I know there was a lot of drama when my aunt came out as gay, but that all happened before I was born and they’re reconciled now, so I hope they’re more mature now.

I’m planning to visit my family soon, and I’ve been thinking about what to do regarding my grandparents. They’re old, rural Europeans and I doubt they even know what a trans person is. When I saw them this summer it that was the last time I boymoded, and that just made me feel bad, and I can’t just wear a sports bra and a sweater to hide things now, like I could then. What I’ve decided to so far is to just present fem like I normally do, and if they have questions I’ll answer honestly, but I won’t have a big coming out moment or be particularly insistent that they gender me correctly (at least for now).

Maybe it’s a bit cowardly, but I feel like it’s a good compromise so far, not actively hiding who I am, but hopefully not overwhelming them either. They probably won’t say anything either way, because they’re so ingrained in this annoying cultural idea that asking people anything that could in any way feel uncomfortable for you or for them is better left unsaid in every situation.