OK, serious talk for anyone under thirty who is really relating to this; you don’t even know who you are before you hit your thirties.
I’m dead fucking serious here. Under twenty, you’re basically still in the oven, and your twenties are basically spent figuring out who and what the fuck you are. Thirty is when the good shit starts. Thirty is when you start to finally have a grasp on who you are as a human being. Dating in your thirties is so much fucking better. You’re past the idiocy and the drama and you’re into the part where actual human adults learn to understand each other.
Please, please get out of this mindset that anyone over thirty is an ancient crone. You’re not even out of the fucking tutorial yet.
But my 20s are my most handsome years and now they’re over! In a paltry ten years I’ll have some gray hairs and creases! 😭
tbh I kinda feel that. Maturity has its own kind of sexiness that I can appreciate, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be bummed out about my early 20s soft femboi twink years having gone unappreciated.
You can always be bummed out about ageing. It’s OK to mourn the loss of an identity that you’d grown into. I’m getting my first grey hairs in, and its not easy seeing that in the mirror. It brings a lot of complicated feelings. Humanity has spent our entire existence grappling with the finality of time.
But my wife? She loves those grey hairs. She thinks they make me look even sexier. Time is unrelenting, and brutal. But love doesn’t care about time. Love, and joy, and friendship and kindness… These things will happen at every point in your life, if you let them.
Yup, I didn’t find my wife until we were both in our 30’s, but we’re both happier than ever. Finding the right person takes time and probably a lot of rejection.
Out of all the high school sweethearts who got married young, I only know one couple who is still together and doesn’t hate each other.
Yeah, most of the people I know who got into relationships young ended up getting out of those relationships sooner or later. I can only think of one exception. But the relationships I see people building in their middle age are so much stronger and healthier.
Yup, we tell people they’re adults at 18, but the reality is that you do a lot of growing and maturing in your 20’s. I likely wouldn’t want to date any of my high school girlfriends if we met up again today, simply because we’re radically different people than we were in high school. And the same goes for college years as well; I likely wouldn’t want to date any of the people I dated in my early 20’s.
As somebody in my mid twenties, I primarily date people in their 30s for this exact reason. I need somebody mature with their shit a little more figured out. Dating people my own age can be fun, but they don’t really have the maturity required to deal with somebody who’s gone through as much trauma and mental illness as I have.
Case in point, my longest lasting relationship with somebody within 5 years of my age was 1 month long. My shortest lasting relationship with somebody older than me by more than that was 2 years.
Hell yes. Dating in my thirties has been 10x better than my dating attempts in my twenties. Not to mention with how the trend is moving with gen z’s dating/sex lives? For them dating in their thirties is going to be…like, their main dating life.
Could you elaborate please (I’ve been born into one of those youngsters I think)
Gen Z is having less sex than previous generations, but it’s also part of a larger trend. If I remember correctly they said the same thing about millennials, so it’s just the way things are moving. And with the dating scene these days, along with every single other aspect of our interpersonal lives (and capitalism shoving itself into every single type of interaction)? It’s not looking good for Gen alpha
Almost 30 here, can relate. Still have no clue what the hell I am, what I really want to be myself and what and who I’d like to see around. Though as time goes, the less I really want or care to figure those out, so… Ughh.
This feels like something an incel would seriously suggest.
I’m past thirty and I learned to ve comfortable alone a long time ago. For me to get married or even just start a relationship with someone they’d have to drastically improve my life. It’s very unlikely some random assigned by the government is going to do that.
Lol this aint even true. The average marriage age for men is 30
Well yeah, that’s when they get assigned their person, duh 🙄
40yo single dude checking in. I think the government lost my assignment form!
i don’t wanna be married, they better not assign me shit
Me till someone calls me a good boy uwu
Ew, no thanks
No thank you. Being assigned a random romantic partner could be a burden. I’d rather stay alone.
Can confirm, am 30 😣
Pov: self report
As it stands now, you could give me an amazing person to be with who would check all my boxes and would be a perfect match
And I would break up with them anyway in about 6 months.
I have a VERY avoidant attachment style that I need to shake before I can get into anything.
If it helps anyone in a similar situation, after a shroom trip two weeks ago, I realized my issue is a deeeeeep seated shame- my “Mr. Ethics” vibe is a facade and if you cross examined me long enough you would find out I’m rotten to the core.
I know this is false, but it’s so engrained it’s hard to shake.
In relationships, I’ll feel very anxious because I feel like “the jig is gonna be up soon, they’ll see you for who you are, you will hurt them” so I’ll usually drop and run.
4 hours later
Also I started this comment a few hours ago, but since have chatted with my friend over beers and he told me about “parts therapy”. Basically acknowledge there are many parts to you, there is no single you. There is the “superhero” you, the “deviant” you, the “artist”, the “lover”, etc. So in trying to identify this core I believe is rotten, I came up with “the sleezy politician”. I feel like I can manipulate people like hell- I can put on the charm to get what I want or to avoid risk. I can think of times when this version of me was necessary as a survival mechanism. Highschool was clique-city, and the theater department was a social minefield. My family had a heavy political side. Growing up I felt like I had a superpower to lie and get away with anything, it took me a while to realize it wasn’t a superpower but would hurt me so much more later. All that I learned through that is something I now need to undo, and that is to be comfortable with myself and not care about how others see me.
Ooof sorry I kinda word vomited but thanks for being my prep for tomorrow’s therapy sesh.
So if I understand you correctly, I don’t hate myself. I hate only one part of myself? I think I’ve slowly been coming to that conclusion. I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself overall lately.
Basically, but the next step is to forgive and love that part as well. That part of you developed for a reason. If you can name what that part of you is, you might be able to look back to a time where that part of you was what was helping you. Now that you are living a different life, the game is to tell that part to step to the side and let another part of you take the wheel.
At least that’s what a gleaned from my conversation last night.
For a movie with this premise, may I recommend The Lobster
Such a good film!
Did you get another 30 year old? Or just anyone available?
Big mood. Just had the third person tell me, “I’m just not feeling any romantic chemistry” in as many weeks.
Wondering if it’s time to give up.
The dating pool is functionally infinite, giving up is like the one possible mistake.
Yeah, but I’m fucking exhausted and tired of being disappointed.
Well give it some thought, why be disappointed it didnt work out with people you weren’t compatible with?
Give yourself some credit, you aren’t being rejected in the way you think.
Not cause of your age. I got told that all the time in high school! And college. And after college.
Anyway, I eventually got a partner, but having a consecutive string of meeting romantically incompatible potential partners is not age dependent.
I’ve dated over and under 30 and IMO, after 30 dating gets better. Don’t lose hope!
Just to commiserate my neighbor once asked me if I was going to die alone. In her defense she was high and hasn’t asked since. That’s how it’s going for me.
Have you heard of “sexy indifference”? A relative of mine mentioned it. It kind of makes sense. If you don’t seem desperate or greedy for a relationship, you’ll be more fun to be around and won’t care as much either, because you have your own thing going on.
Most people just say don’t look desperate.
“If you love me why do you want me to sign this paper entitling you to half of my stuff?”
Get a prenup if that’s your only issue. Married taxes are better, and being auto beneficiary is also useful (e.g. social security survivors benefits). With the right person insurances and credit score/limit are better. Sometimes just hospital visits require being a relation. Immigration for coming to or going to another country is easier.
Marriage is showing your commitment legally/bureaucratically so that your bond isn’t questioned easily both individuals also gain financial benefits from it.
