RNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to urbanism@hexbear.netEnglish · 9 days agoYeshexbear.netimagemessage-square27fedilinkarrow-up1223arrow-down11
arrow-up1222arrow-down1imageYeshexbear.netRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.net to urbanism@hexbear.netEnglish · 9 days agomessage-square27fedilink
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up37·9 days agoActive voice first. “A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
minus-squareRNAi [he/him]@hexbear.netOPlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up20arrow-down1·9 days agoI like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
minus-squareThermonuclearEgg [she/her, they/them]@hexbear.netlinkfedilinkEnglisharrow-up22·9 days agoFair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.
Active voice first.
“A car on the train tracks caused an East LA Metro train to derail”
I like hearing the important part first, here being “train derails”
Fair enough but establishing a causative form is critical here. As written, the train is to blame for striking the car in the same way a car is to blame for striking the pedestrian.