• @Brkdncr@sh.itjust.works
    link
    fedilink
    English
    987 months ago

    Vampires existed long before the church. They just have a brain disorder that gives them a seizure when they see straight right angles. Right angles don’t really exist in nature. Humans found out this and started making crosses. Humans created the church to maintain this knowledge during the vampires long hibernation periods of around 1000 years. (Credit to author Peter Watts “Blindside”)

    • @Blue_Morpho@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      English
      487 months ago

      I loved Blindsight (the name of the book is not Blindside) but that was one of the most ridiculous paragraphs I’ve ever read.

      The natural world is filled with right angles. Many rocks erode into perfect right angles because of their cleave points. Saplings grow at right angles to the ground. Branches of older trees are sometimes at perfect right angles to the trunk.

      Anyone who has gone on a hike sees right angles everywhere. Vampires couldn’t walk a kilometer without a seizure from naturally occuring right angles.

    • @gato@feddit.de
      link
      fedilink
      English
      447 months ago

      Brutalist architecture should be super effective against vampires.

      Also IKEA furniture.

      • hswolf
        link
        fedilink
        English
        67 months ago

        came here to say that, also salt crystals

  • Semi-Hemi-Demigod
    link
    fedilink
    697 months ago

    This why I like the origin of vampires being Judas’ failed suicide attempt. Explains the silver allergy, too.

  • Melllvar
    link
    English
    337 months ago

    There was a vampire movie, I forget what it’s called, but part of the lore was that vampires were only affected by religious symbols from their original society. So showing a cross to a Muslim vampire wouldn’t work.

  • @rifugee@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    307 months ago

    In the Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, they can be held back by any symbol of power that the wielder has faith in and the stronger the faith, the stronger the symbol. For example, Harry, the main character and a wizard, uses a pentagram instead of a cross because he has faith in his magic.

    I’ve always thought that was pretty cool and it means that theoretically a devout Pastafarian could use the symbol of the Flying Spaghetti Monster to protect themselves from vampires.

    • @fsxylo@sh.itjust.works
      link
      fedilink
      English
      87 months ago

      A pastafarian holding back vampires is exactly the kind of thing that would happen in the Dresden files.

        • qyron
          link
          fedilink
          English
          37 months ago

          No. The Pastafarian would already be protected due to copious amounts of ingested garlic while enjoying the holy daily portion of ramen.

      • @setsneedtofeed@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        English
        3
        edit-2
        7 months ago

        Perhaps, though the Flying Spaghetti Monster is more of a rhetorical device than something people tend to sincerely believe.

        It’s hard enough in vampire fiction to find true believers in conventional religion.

    • @psivchaz@reddthat.com
      link
      fedilink
      English
      57 months ago

      Before 2020 or so, I had a lot of faith in humanity. Does that mean I could just touch vampires to death, or would I need to like throw a child at them?

  • @SzethFriendOfNimi@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    17
    edit-2
    7 months ago

    In the Neutronium Alchemist (or one of the books in the Nights Dawn series) a vampire basically says “I was Muslim but that cross only works if you believe it works”

    E.g. it’s the fundamental belief of the person wielding it that has the “psychic” effect on the ghost/vampire/remnant.

    Edit: apparently it was a ghost who was Sunni and it’s the belief of the ghost that does it. E.g. why the crucifix had no effect on him but a crescent, for example, may have.

  • @smeg@feddit.uk
    link
    fedilink
    English
    167 months ago

    Sorry to fact-check a pretty good shitpost, but I don’t think lowercase t existed until later

      • @smeg@feddit.uk
        link
        fedilink
        English
        227 months ago

        Curse those tricksy Phoenicians, I only researched Latin and Greek vampires

        • Semi-Hemi-Demigod
          link
          fedilink
          47 months ago

          These came from a sort of “this sounds like” alphabet. Like if you wanted to write D but drew a picture of a dog, because that starts with a D sound. Or when someone on the phone says “A as in Adam.”

          So the word for dude with a tiny hat started with an R sound, just like the word for the A sounded like an A sound.

      • @smeg@feddit.uk
        link
        fedilink
        English
        97 months ago

        I’m starting to think this Andrew Nadeau isn’t a doctor of vampirology at all!

      • loobkoob
        link
        fedilink
        177 months ago

        I have the theory that vampires hating garlic is a rumour spread by vampires themselves because they really love garlic. Getting the humans to season themselves is a genius move.

    • DarkenLM
      link
      fedilink
      17 months ago

      That scene was one of the most hilarious scenes I have ever seen.

  • @Emerald@lemmy.world
    link
    fedilink
    English
    17 months ago

    Image Transcription: Twitter Post


    Andrew Nadeau, @TheAndrewNadeau

    Imagine you were a vampire nowhere near the Middle East and don’t know who Jesus is but the day after he dies you gotta figure out why lower case t’s started hurting.

    Lore meme I’m guessing that’ll be a religion check?