I had something happen on Sunday afternoon that I am going to delicately bring up. TW: unwanted contact
spoiler
A man was driving me about 15 minutes down the road and violated my space several times. It could easily have been played off as incidental contact, and it was a non sexual area, but it kept happening until I moved my arm. He made a lewd comment about my dress. He pretended to record something but he left it running. When I got out, he threw his arms around me. I barely know him. He never asked. I didn’t want a hug. It was awkward. I was upset. I couldn’t say anything. Each thing happened and I couldn’t say anything. My brain was completely shocked I guess. I started blaming myself and then realized what I was doing and stopped. It wasn’t my fault. He could have just not done those things.
At least it wasn’t worse, but why does it need to be worse to count as some form of assault. It didn’t seem sexual to me but he obviously got a thrill from it. It was unwanted. He knew what he was doing. I have no idea what to call this. I wasn’t raped, he didn’t grab my breast or crotch but I can still feel his arm on mine. Sitting there. I feel betrayed. He stole some piece of me and left fear and doubt and anguish and anger. I don’t need this right now. People that have seen me post know. This is a lot on top of too much.
I messaged him when I got home. I told him he needs to not do that to anyone. We’d even had a brief discussion at the start of the ride about consent. He never got mine. I felt stupid. He feigned an apology and then immediately tried to gaslight me. I blocked him.
In the morning I remembered the recording and the comment. I decided to reach out to people that could do something. To help protect me at the next gathering. I wrote up a huge report about it. I didn’t call the authorities but I did send it to people in charge of the spaces we pass through. I was told there have been other complaints. I hope mine will be the last.
Every time this has crossed my mind in the last 48 hours I have managed to use self care and grounding techniques. I hope I did the spoiler right and I hope this isn’t too heavy a topic but it won’t go away. I channeled my anguish into a 5 page poem. I have therapy tomorrow. I’ll be ok. I spoke up about it for anyone that he impacted that couldn’t.
I just need someone to tell me it will be ok. I just need to forget it but that’s impossible. I hope I can get through this. I hope I didn’t upset anyone by sharing this. I love this community so much and I felt like this was the safest place to vent.
I’m so sorry he did this to you. It will be ok, time will sand down the rough edges and you will be able to carry it easier and easier. You are strong. You are stronger than you know. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
We’re here for you <3 Take care, treat yourself gently, and we’re here in your corner
It will be ok. You will get through this. That was sexual harassment you were right to feel violated by it. You did the right thing sharing this with those who can help, and were wise not sharing to those who cannot.
We are not upset by this post. This is your community. We are here for you. Take care <3
I had something happen on Sunday afternoon that I am going to delicately bring up. TW: unwanted contact
spoiler
A man was driving me about 15 minutes down the road and violated my space several times. It could easily have been played off as incidental contact, and it was a non sexual area, but it kept happening until I moved my arm. He made a lewd comment about my dress. He pretended to record something but he left it running. When I got out, he threw his arms around me. I barely know him. He never asked. I didn’t want a hug. It was awkward. I was upset. I couldn’t say anything. Each thing happened and I couldn’t say anything. My brain was completely shocked I guess. I started blaming myself and then realized what I was doing and stopped. It wasn’t my fault. He could have just not done those things.
At least it wasn’t worse, but why does it need to be worse to count as some form of assault. It didn’t seem sexual to me but he obviously got a thrill from it. It was unwanted. He knew what he was doing. I have no idea what to call this. I wasn’t raped, he didn’t grab my breast or crotch but I can still feel his arm on mine. Sitting there. I feel betrayed. He stole some piece of me and left fear and doubt and anguish and anger. I don’t need this right now. People that have seen me post know. This is a lot on top of too much.
I messaged him when I got home. I told him he needs to not do that to anyone. We’d even had a brief discussion at the start of the ride about consent. He never got mine. I felt stupid. He feigned an apology and then immediately tried to gaslight me. I blocked him.
In the morning I remembered the recording and the comment. I decided to reach out to people that could do something. To help protect me at the next gathering. I wrote up a huge report about it. I didn’t call the authorities but I did send it to people in charge of the spaces we pass through. I was told there have been other complaints. I hope mine will be the last.
Every time this has crossed my mind in the last 48 hours I have managed to use self care and grounding techniques. I hope I did the spoiler right and I hope this isn’t too heavy a topic but it won’t go away. I channeled my anguish into a 5 page poem. I have therapy tomorrow. I’ll be ok. I spoke up about it for anyone that he impacted that couldn’t.
I just need someone to tell me it will be ok. I just need to forget it but that’s impossible. I hope I can get through this. I hope I didn’t upset anyone by sharing this. I love this community so much and I felt like this was the safest place to vent.
Thank you for listening
I’m so sorry he did this to you. It will be ok, time will sand down the rough edges and you will be able to carry it easier and easier. You are strong. You are stronger than you know. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
We’re here for you <3 Take care, treat yourself gently, and we’re here in your corner
Thank you, Velma. That means so much to hear. I was able to share with my therapist yesterday and it helped a lot.
Thank you all for helping me feel seen and safe.
💜
It will be ok. You will get through this. That was sexual harassment you were right to feel violated by it. You did the right thing sharing this with those who can help, and were wise not sharing to those who cannot.
We are not upset by this post. This is your community. We are here for you. Take care <3
Thank you for helping me put a name to it. I will do my best.