Once I stopped suppressing my natural personality, for sure I started to get this almost irresistible confidence. Not irresistible to others like some YA fanfic, but almost irresistible to myself, where I felt I could fall easily into a trap of letting myself believe my confidence meant a lot of things it did not. It was difficult to stay grounded, and my fear was that if I did not fully appreciate the people around me I would come across as arrogant.
Because it was the first time in my life feeling this self assured, it could be easy to get carried away, it felt like elation, either a manic episode or taking mdma. Clouded my judgement, like me being trans was the only important thing in the world. Huge boost to the confidence though.
What my confidence did mean:
… that I was proud of myself for overcoming a struggle I carried for a long time.
What my confidence did NOT mean, but was really tempting to allow myself to believe:
… that I could do nothing wrong. As excited as I was for myself, focussing purely on my own needs and achievements meant I inadvertently neglected the needs of other people around me, people who deserved my love and affection. That was wrong
… That I achieved what I did alone …even though I was not out to many people (or anyone at all for the first 17 years of working on myself), the compassion of everyone who did know throughout the years and the kind people who boosted me without knowing I’m trans, just by being nice people, all contributed to my mental wellbeing.
… that I did not owe anybody an explanation, or owe them gratitude. Life is very limited if you are trans and things cis people take for granted are not guaranteed for us. That said it’s so easy to get hyper focussed and myopic to only your perspective. I did too often on my journey and hurt others by expecting them to know what I was going through. It’s hard to see the wood from the trees sometimes.
To avoid conflict from this, always try to give other people the benefit of the doubt to begin with. Assume they are chatting about your identity or trans related issues in good faith. If they repeatedly show themselves to deliberately make the same mistakes step back but otherwise try exercise patience
… That I did not have to work hard for recognition, and should instead step down a gear, because somehow that the world owed me something. Nobody owed me anything. I had always strived to make myself better. I want to earn peoples respect for what I do. My mission is that when people find out I’m trans I want them to have more respect for trans people as a whole.
That’s not to say I’m more deserving of respect than other trans people I’m not. Every trans person I’ve met has admirable traits im envious of. But I certainly feel more deserving of respect than the false caricature of a trans person that is painted by the media, and im more of a show don’t tell kind of gal when it comes to dismantling stereotypes
Personality change might be a good thing but that depends on the effect it has on you AND other people. Talk to your family, ask them have they noticed any changes and what they think of them.
Practice active listening and forced humility to the ones you love until it becomes second nature. People like to hear: “I hope I can be a good enough mom for you guys, I feel being a dad held me back… let me know what you like and don’t like and we can try work on it together” rather than “ you guys gotta get used to me being your mom now, you might notice some changes but that’s how it’s going to be, like it or not you gotta suck it up.” The latter fosters resentment not respect.
And remember, trans or not it’s always good practice to check in with yourself and try ground yourself when you notice any changes.
Also he wasn’t arrested by the his political opponent, Biden has absolutely nothing to do with this process… everything that happens here is a result of trumps actions, which broke specific laws, and the DOJ is doing their fucking job enforcing those laws.
Don’t want to be arrested? don’t do crime, simple as. Listen to your lawyers they’re trying to stop you doing crime