Had real positive moment of clarity about my gender the other day. (CW intrusive dysphoric thought, NSFW)
As some might recall their @ComradeEchidna/Platypus lore, I do softcore bdsm photography modelling (for myself via self-photography it’s a whole thing). So I’ve also seen a lot of bdsm photography of different genders, cis/trans, etc And I was thinking about the phenomena of old sad looking cis crossdressers. You see them on deviant art etc. Just look tragic, sad eyes, awkward looking, etc. And I had an intrusive thought “what’s the difference between them and you?”. Like felt pretty brutal.
So then I went to look at some stuff I’d done months ago, not recently, and I looked at it with some time and slightly more objectivity and I was like “woah I just see a woman there!”. And I was like huh, lightbulb. Not I could possibly be a woman someday if I put in the work, but like I can be a woman right now (or have been in the past too).
At least some of the time, because I’m still thinking a sort of Genderfluid/Non binary situation but maybe somewhat more bigender IDK? Anyway it left me feeling pretty zen and less anxious.
Yeah I can understand, it’s not a pleasant thought, but I think it’s an ultimately false thought. Because you can tell the difference looking at people in way that’s hard to define, it’s not about passing or being hot or whatever. It’s like how you start noticing people who are trans all the time (but in a cool positive way).
Had real positive moment of clarity about my gender the other day. (CW intrusive dysphoric thought, NSFW)
As some might recall their @ComradeEchidna/Platypus lore, I do softcore bdsm photography modelling (for myself via self-photography it’s a whole thing). So I’ve also seen a lot of bdsm photography of different genders, cis/trans, etc And I was thinking about the phenomena of old sad looking cis crossdressers. You see them on deviant art etc. Just look tragic, sad eyes, awkward looking, etc. And I had an intrusive thought “what’s the difference between them and you?”. Like felt pretty brutal.
So then I went to look at some stuff I’d done months ago, not recently, and I looked at it with some time and slightly more objectivity and I was like “woah I just see a woman there!”. And I was like huh, lightbulb. Not I could possibly be a woman someday if I put in the work, but like I can be a woman right now (or have been in the past too).
At least some of the time, because I’m still thinking a sort of Genderfluid/Non binary situation but maybe somewhat more bigender IDK? Anyway it left me feeling pretty zen and less anxious.
That is a thought that haunts me…or at least the idea of other people having it about me haunts me
Yeah I can understand, it’s not a pleasant thought, but I think it’s an ultimately false thought. Because you can tell the difference looking at people in way that’s hard to define, it’s not about passing or being hot or whatever. It’s like how you start noticing people who are trans all the time (but in a cool positive way).