Rolling up the contents of a town into a big, sticky ball.

I’ve been playing Paradox games, so I’m probably going straight to the Hague and deserving it

Bringing democracy to the wider galaxy.

Beating wild animals into submission, capturing them and putting them to work in a shack I built in the woods.

Placing a billion conveyor belts, strip mining a planet with no regard to the pollution I caused, and full scale genocide against the native bugs who already lived there.

Sorry, biters, I gotta launch my rocket.

Fishing

I didn’t realise our poaching laws were that severe

Trafficking humans, putting them in tiny 1x1m cages where they cannot sit, force them to do cheap labour, separate their children at birth, and kill them if they are too expensive…

Fuck I love Minecraft!

Poluting the environment with my selfbuild automated factorys and thus enrage the local bug population (wich i sadly now have to nuke)

Spreading democracy for the glory of Super Earth!

I picked a bad time to close a porn game.

Building a miles-long cobblestone road through mountains and over frozen rivers to a farming village from my house on a snowy plain then entering peoples homes while they sleep and cleaning them out of any food and valuables. Also crop theft.

And maybe pushing that wild pig into my fenced in pasture from the mountainside because I didn’t have any carrots to lure him in willingly.

Building a house in the woods without planning permission.

Strip mining a planet, refining raw materials, building factories, and researching new technology. All to build a rocket to get off said planet.

Turning the universe into paperclips

Assault, battery, torture, stalking, breaking & entering, trespassing, destruction of property, illegal search & seizure, tampering with evidence, aiding & abetting, reckless driving, speeding, operation of an unlicensed vehicle, unlawful interception, child endangerment, unlawful imprisonment, conspiracy, and, of course, vigilantism

But absolutely zero murder