lately i’m thinking about some talking heads lyrics. not a band i think of around my gender a lot, mostly i think about autism, but they’ve got some stuff

crosseyed and painless

Lost my shape
Trying to act casual
Can’t stop
I might end up in the hospital
Changing my shape
I feel like an accident
They’re back
To explain their experience

seen and not seen

spoiler

He would see faces in movies, on TV, in magazines, and in books
He thought that some of these faces might be right for him
And that through the years, by keeping an ideal facial structure fixed in his mind
Or somewhere in the back of his mind
That he might, by force of will, cause his face to approach those of his ideal
The change would be very subtle
It might take ten years or so
Gradually his face would change its shape
A more hooked nose
Wider, thinner lips
Beady eyes
A larger forehead

He imagined that this was an ability he shared with most other people
They had also molded their faces according to some ideal
Maybe they imagined that their new face
Would better suit their personality
Or maybe they imagined that their personality
Would be forced to change to fit the new appearance
This is why first impressions are often correct

Although some people might have made mistakes
They may have arrived at an appearance
That bears no relationship to them
They may have picked an ideal appearance
Based on some childish whim, or momentary impulse
Some may have gotten halfway there
And then changed their minds

He wonders if he too might have made a similar mistake